Heater Thinking

I don't have a lot to say today but I felt I should say something. It is currently 11:10 in the morning and I have yet to do anything really productive today. I woke up at 8:45 and went upstairs to see what I could find to eat. Instead of eating, I ended up with a pillow and blanket on the heater waiting for it to turn on. I spent a good little while just laying there on the heater thinking about life.

I have battled seasonal depression since about 8th grade. Some years are worse than others but it always seems to come. This year has been the best I can remember. I should think there are a number of things that have contributed to this. Even though this year has been a great one, I have still had some hard days/nights. I add nights because feelings of depression seem to be amplified in the evening. Last night was one of those nights for me. I don't know what caused it but I just wasn't feeling very good. Depression is such an interesting thing. It's not something you can accurately explain to someone who hasn't experienced it first hand. For me it manifests in an overall lack of enthusiasm for life. Nothing sounds fun and I usually don't eat much because I don't have an appetite and nothing sounds good. While in this state it's extremely easy to become self critical and to search out and then blow up every little flaw I have and everything I'm not doing quite right. I can't help but think that it's Satan who suggests these thoughts to me to help keep me in a downward spiral of emotion. I must say, he's very good at what he does and I have to work hard to pull myself out. This morning on the heater I found myself in one of these downward spirals. It was my sweet mother who came to the rescue. She'd noticed that these past few days I've been a little down and I'm sure she felt something from me this morning. We talked over some things and I got up and got going for the day.

That being said, I'm doing a bit better now.

It's good to keep in mind that life isn't meant to be easy. We're here to struggle a bit and work through challenges and problems. It's also comforting to know that we don't have to do this all alone. We have people all around us who are willing to help. We can always call upon our Heavenly Father for strength and guidance and look to our Savior's example.

Yesterday Meg and I ran some errands before going up to Park City. I lost my swimsuit so we went to Old Navy to find me a new one so I could participate in hot tubbing at Katie's house. We then went to Office Max so Meg could get more ink for her printer so she can do all of the insane amounts of printing this semester for her classes. I must say that Office Max is one of my favorite stores. It smells super good and there are so many fun things that I want there. Anyway, after this we went up to Foothill Village and I finally got my watch batter replaced! I've wanted to do this since I got home from my mission and Meg helped me to remember to do it yesterday.

Park City was fun. We played games, hot tubbed, and watched Jumanji.