California

On Friday the eighth of August I left on my first road trip with a group of friends. Alec, Nick, Tyler, Suzanne, and myself headed off towards Flagstaff Arizona where we would part ways with Suzanne. We passed the time by listening to a large variety of music and discussing a number of different topics. It proved quite effective in keeping me distracted enough to pass the time relatively quickly. As we got closer to Gail's cabin (Suzanne's destination) the weather began to take a turn for the worse. We ran into more and more rain and finally lightning and a downpour. Luckily for me, I love this kind of weather so all it did was improve my spirits. Once at Gail's we had to make the choice of staying the night there and then heading off first thing in the morning or leaving asap so as to try and make it to California by around one or two in the morning. Spending the night ended up winning and this being the case we had some time to kill. So we headed of, in the rain, to this amazing little area with a natural water slide and some cliff jumping. The water was amazingly warm due to the recent rainfall and this made my experience much more enjoyable because I HATE cold water. So my first order of business there was to check out this water slide. The river was forced into a narrow channel that wasn't too deep but still coated in this very very slippery moss. So you just sad down and away you went. This proved to be one of the highlights of the trip. I just loved it. As for the cliff jumping I didn't participate but Nick, Alec, and Gail made the jump. When we got back we played games and ate an amazing dinner. I headed to bed a littler earlier than everyone else cause I had to drive the next morning. So on Saturday morning we headed out at about 6:30 and after hours of driving we arrived at Alec's place at about 2:00. We then proceeded to the beach which was so fun! I just love the beach. Sunday morning Tyler, Nick, and myself found a YSA ward to go to and then came back. The only other thing worth mentioning that happened on sunday was we went out on this awesome little boat. It was more than a little scary because the waves wee quite large and the boat quite small. But all in all it was incredibly fun. Monday morning Max arrived and we headed to to beach. I really wasn't thinking so well cause I applied sunscreen once and assumed it would work all day, which it didn't. I ended up getting really burned. That being so I've spend the lest two days just sitting around hoping my burn will stop hurting and luckily it has...to an extent. I'm still very red and my shoulders hurt quite a bit but I'm finally to the point where I can move around without to much pain. Today we went to breakfast and saw an awesome BMW but other than that I think it's going to be a pretty layed back day. Me, Nick, and Max are staying off the beach cause Nick and I have burns and Max has a hurt ankle. I'm off though, I think we're going to play some Risk!

Exhaustion

I am so exhausted. I haven't slept to well the past few nights and its taken its toll on my energy. When we got up to our campsite I was pretty tired. Luckily I didn't have to do a whole lot and that being so I was able to save up a little bit of energy. When I went to bed I couldn't fall asleep. I kept flipping from one side to the other, then on to my back. Nothing I did stayed comfortable for long. I don't know how or when, but I finally ended up falling asleep only to wake up a few more times during the night. Not that it's weird for that to happen. In fact it's really strange if I don't wake up at least three times each night. I don't remember ever sleeping all the way through the night. But that's just my life. I'm pretty used to it. Anyway, yesterday proved to be a pretty relaxed day as well. I just read/finished my book and played two games of Risk with Mark, Chelsea, John, and Barb. It was so much fun! I haven't ever really been one to actively try and get people to play that game but yesterday....things changed. This probably had to do with the fact that I won the first game. Anyway, once it came time to get a fire going Barb and I started to set up the wood. I wanted to do it one way and Barb another but she kindly let me try it and I failed quite miserably so we went to her way which worked out very well. While doing this Mark was starting out on what would become an hour (or there abouts) quest to split a single log. John and I set out to find more firewood and ended up cutting the end off of a fallen tree in our campsite. All of this occupied our time till dinner. Also in the midst David, Jeff, and Breea showed up. Following dinner we all sat around the fire telling riddles. So this morning when I woke up I was planning on having a very light day cause I had over exerted myself yesterday with chopping wood and I need to save my strength to get better. Anyway, we ate breakfast and broke down camp following which we headed of to Mirror Lake. I ended up walking all the way around and once again using more energy than I wanted. Then for lunch we stopped at Provo Falls and I hiked around a little for some pictures. The final thing I did today that I wish I wouldn't have was I got an entire shake to myself. Sugar+dairy=no good for my cold. The whole day I've had pressure in my ears. The kind that doesn't go away because of my stupid cold. I hate it so much. One of my ears popped a little but the other one wont and its driving me crazy. So in short I'm pretty physically worn out.
On the other side, I'm also very emotionally drained. I've had a really short temper all day probably because of how tired I am. The whole day I've been looking forward to coming home, getting clean, and finally hanging out with Rosie and hopefully talking to her a little. Once I got reception I turned on my phone and found I had a few texts and missed calls. This brightened my darkening mood a little, just to know that I was missed at least a little. I texted Rosie to see if she was still on for coming home tonight and maybe hanging out and she said yes. This also brightened my spirits a little to have this confirmed. She said she wouldn't be home till about six and I knew that my parents and Anne wanted to go see Wall-E so I pushed for and earlier showing so I would be out by sixish. When it was over I was getting a little antsy to get home but they wanted dinner so I agreed thinking we would just go pick something up but no, we had to go in and sit down. I don't know why it bothered me so bad but it did. I was so frustrated. Then as I was sitting there I got a text from Rosie saying that she'd changed her mind and was staying up in Park City. Once again I'd banked on hanging out with her and once again it fell through. As the night wore on I found out that she was actually here getting some stuff and had gone up to dodgeball for a while after which she was at Kenzies house for a good thirty minutes. Not once did she say that she might want to see me or anything. I was going to ask if I could come over and say hi but decided against it. I kept putting on a happy face but moved on...well sort of. I headed off to Anthony's house and things just got worse. Shippy and Ashely showed up and for some reason the longer I sat there and listened to them talk the more frustrated and irritable I got. Finally I just left and went up to dodgeball to see if I could get my mind off anything. It didn't work at all. I kept my semi-happy face on but inside I was dying. I was tired, mad, hurt, and completely confused. Once it got to be to much I left. On the way home I was left to thinking. It hurts to much to get turned away again and again. I am just to emotionally worn out right now. I realize that the things that keep hurting me really shouldn't, but they do. This whole time that I've liked Rosie she's been telling me that she doesn't want our friendship to get ruined. I keep telling her that nothing like that is going to happen and yet...it is and it's all my fault. I've been placing what I want in front of out friendship and by doing this I've been getting hurt and that in turn has started to damage our friendship. I've come to the realization/decision that I'm going to just step back and try to go back to just friends.
Nothing is ever easy.