Dreams, Parking jobs and Tithing

Have you ever had one of those dreams where it was so real and so emotionally charged that when you woke up you were still feeling the way you were in your dream? I had one of those last night and it was terrible. It's left me feeling all weird and not good inside.

On a lighter note, last Sunday I came home after church to find Anne's car parked in a very strange place. I walked to the back door because the front door was blocked. When I walked in, Anne asked "Do you know where my car is?" I thought she was joking but no, she really had no idea where her car was. So I showed her and we both were completely confused. I found out later that my mom had moved it there so my dad could get out of the driveway. She didn't want to drive it to far because all the windows were covered in snow. She parked it there in hopes that the sun would warm it up a bit so she could scrape it off. I assume it worked at least to an extent because I didn't have to much difficulty scraping off all the snow for Anne before she left.

One final little thing I want to get out there is that paying tithing really does bring great blessings! I have head knowledge of this principle but it amazes me that each time I move forward and do it, I receive such great blessings.

Heater Thinking

I don't have a lot to say today but I felt I should say something. It is currently 11:10 in the morning and I have yet to do anything really productive today. I woke up at 8:45 and went upstairs to see what I could find to eat. Instead of eating, I ended up with a pillow and blanket on the heater waiting for it to turn on. I spent a good little while just laying there on the heater thinking about life.

I have battled seasonal depression since about 8th grade. Some years are worse than others but it always seems to come. This year has been the best I can remember. I should think there are a number of things that have contributed to this. Even though this year has been a great one, I have still had some hard days/nights. I add nights because feelings of depression seem to be amplified in the evening. Last night was one of those nights for me. I don't know what caused it but I just wasn't feeling very good. Depression is such an interesting thing. It's not something you can accurately explain to someone who hasn't experienced it first hand. For me it manifests in an overall lack of enthusiasm for life. Nothing sounds fun and I usually don't eat much because I don't have an appetite and nothing sounds good. While in this state it's extremely easy to become self critical and to search out and then blow up every little flaw I have and everything I'm not doing quite right. I can't help but think that it's Satan who suggests these thoughts to me to help keep me in a downward spiral of emotion. I must say, he's very good at what he does and I have to work hard to pull myself out. This morning on the heater I found myself in one of these downward spirals. It was my sweet mother who came to the rescue. She'd noticed that these past few days I've been a little down and I'm sure she felt something from me this morning. We talked over some things and I got up and got going for the day.

That being said, I'm doing a bit better now.

It's good to keep in mind that life isn't meant to be easy. We're here to struggle a bit and work through challenges and problems. It's also comforting to know that we don't have to do this all alone. We have people all around us who are willing to help. We can always call upon our Heavenly Father for strength and guidance and look to our Savior's example.

Yesterday Meg and I ran some errands before going up to Park City. I lost my swimsuit so we went to Old Navy to find me a new one so I could participate in hot tubbing at Katie's house. We then went to Office Max so Meg could get more ink for her printer so she can do all of the insane amounts of printing this semester for her classes. I must say that Office Max is one of my favorite stores. It smells super good and there are so many fun things that I want there. Anyway, after this we went up to Foothill Village and I finally got my watch batter replaced! I've wanted to do this since I got home from my mission and Meg helped me to remember to do it yesterday.

Park City was fun. We played games, hot tubbed, and watched Jumanji.

New Years

It's hard to believe that the new year has come so quickly. I've now been home from my mission for nearly 10 months and so much has happened. It's strange to think that a year ago I was in Louisiana doing missionary work all day every day. It almost feels like a dream or like it never really happened. Yet at the same time it feels like just yesterday that I was there. I am so grateful for my experiences on my mission that have provided some serious support and comfort during the past few months. I'm sure I will continue to see the many ways my mission has blessed me.
New Years is classically a time to set goals and figure out what you want to accomplish in the upcoming year. This year however, I really haven't set a lot of goals. Partly because I didn't really think to much about it and partly because I'm tired of setting goals and either forgetting about them or failing to achieve them. This year I want to set smaller goals and just go from there. For one thing, I'm really working on being better about my daily scripture study. Late last night Meg and I were talking, as happens quite often, and I brought up how I'm not the best at scripture study. (just as a side not, I find it so helpful to talk to people about things. It just provides a way to think out loud and get some outside input.) During this conversation I remembered something someone had said during church last week that really stuck with me. I tend to get overwhelmed by how not good I feel a studying and I let this keep me from doing anything at all. I need to simply remember that just reading from the scriptures is just fine and for now, if that's all I can do, that's good enough. Following is a link to an amazing Mormon Message dealing with New Years.
 - Look not behind thee -

For New Years I sort of threw a black-light party that was not the most exciting thing in the world. I just didn't advertise it really at all which is part of the problem. I was thinking that I would be super happy with a smaller group of people on New Years but I was wrong. The good thing is that I now know that for New Years I want to be with lots of people. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy myself because I did.

Life is just so amazing. I'm in awe at how much the Lord has blessed me.