Stalker Muffins

Currently I am sitting at a table in "the house" with Meg, Nate and Katie. I should be doing my psychology homework but I decided I would give this a shot instead. I'm listening to the Tron soundtrack in the hopes that it will help inspire me. I've wanted to update my blog for quite some time now but just haven't been able to convince myself to do it. I started a post yesterday but because it was fast sunday and I was so anxious I couldn't finish it. (I get really anxious when I'm hungry) Following is the extent of what I wrote on Sunday:


So over the weekend I almost shaved. I had determined that on Friday, before Meg and I went to the temple that I would shave. There were a couple of reasons for this which I don't feel like going into right now. Long story short, I didn't end up shaving which I'm happy about.
I like having a beard and I know others like it too. At least I would assume so because I get a lot of compliments on it.
Saturday evening I went to go play a game called spy versus spy. You get two teams and head off to a mall. Each team is wearing a different color shirt. In our case it was red and blue team. I was on red. You get to the mall and break up. Each person has three lives and your goal is to kill the other team.

I got to this point in my explanation and got discouraged and extremely anxious so I just stopped. I thought y'all might enjoy reading that. So now to pick up where I left off. You kill an opponent by sneaking up behind them and grabbing their shoulder without them seeing you. As we all split up I was determined not to be the first to die and if possibly not die at all. While walking around I was rather paranoid as might be expected. To make a long and boring story short and less boring I died much more quickly than I wanted. I actually was really mad after I lost my last life. I walked off sulking and thinking about how much I hated this game. I was a rather poor sport to say the least. Luckily this wore off eventually and I took to taking creeper pictures of other people as they were playing. Now that I look back on it I'm sure people were a little creeped out as I was leaning over railings with my DSLR snapping pictures of people. Oh well!

Today Meg and I watched another episode of Downton Abby. We're slowly making our way through season two. We are now only three episodes behind. One more super fun thing about today that I must tell. First some background. All weekend Meg has been teling me about this new muffin recipe she's excited to try out for this week but she wouldn't tell me what this amazing recipe was. I found out today. Chocolate Chip Pancake Muffins! They are so amazing, let me tell you! I ate one....and another...and a few more after that. I felt sorta bad about eating so many of the but I just couldn't help myself. Speaking of which, that muffin you see in this picture didn't last more than 5 seconds after I took this picture.

Dreams, Parking jobs and Tithing

Have you ever had one of those dreams where it was so real and so emotionally charged that when you woke up you were still feeling the way you were in your dream? I had one of those last night and it was terrible. It's left me feeling all weird and not good inside.

On a lighter note, last Sunday I came home after church to find Anne's car parked in a very strange place. I walked to the back door because the front door was blocked. When I walked in, Anne asked "Do you know where my car is?" I thought she was joking but no, she really had no idea where her car was. So I showed her and we both were completely confused. I found out later that my mom had moved it there so my dad could get out of the driveway. She didn't want to drive it to far because all the windows were covered in snow. She parked it there in hopes that the sun would warm it up a bit so she could scrape it off. I assume it worked at least to an extent because I didn't have to much difficulty scraping off all the snow for Anne before she left.

One final little thing I want to get out there is that paying tithing really does bring great blessings! I have head knowledge of this principle but it amazes me that each time I move forward and do it, I receive such great blessings.

Heater Thinking

I don't have a lot to say today but I felt I should say something. It is currently 11:10 in the morning and I have yet to do anything really productive today. I woke up at 8:45 and went upstairs to see what I could find to eat. Instead of eating, I ended up with a pillow and blanket on the heater waiting for it to turn on. I spent a good little while just laying there on the heater thinking about life.

I have battled seasonal depression since about 8th grade. Some years are worse than others but it always seems to come. This year has been the best I can remember. I should think there are a number of things that have contributed to this. Even though this year has been a great one, I have still had some hard days/nights. I add nights because feelings of depression seem to be amplified in the evening. Last night was one of those nights for me. I don't know what caused it but I just wasn't feeling very good. Depression is such an interesting thing. It's not something you can accurately explain to someone who hasn't experienced it first hand. For me it manifests in an overall lack of enthusiasm for life. Nothing sounds fun and I usually don't eat much because I don't have an appetite and nothing sounds good. While in this state it's extremely easy to become self critical and to search out and then blow up every little flaw I have and everything I'm not doing quite right. I can't help but think that it's Satan who suggests these thoughts to me to help keep me in a downward spiral of emotion. I must say, he's very good at what he does and I have to work hard to pull myself out. This morning on the heater I found myself in one of these downward spirals. It was my sweet mother who came to the rescue. She'd noticed that these past few days I've been a little down and I'm sure she felt something from me this morning. We talked over some things and I got up and got going for the day.

That being said, I'm doing a bit better now.

It's good to keep in mind that life isn't meant to be easy. We're here to struggle a bit and work through challenges and problems. It's also comforting to know that we don't have to do this all alone. We have people all around us who are willing to help. We can always call upon our Heavenly Father for strength and guidance and look to our Savior's example.

Yesterday Meg and I ran some errands before going up to Park City. I lost my swimsuit so we went to Old Navy to find me a new one so I could participate in hot tubbing at Katie's house. We then went to Office Max so Meg could get more ink for her printer so she can do all of the insane amounts of printing this semester for her classes. I must say that Office Max is one of my favorite stores. It smells super good and there are so many fun things that I want there. Anyway, after this we went up to Foothill Village and I finally got my watch batter replaced! I've wanted to do this since I got home from my mission and Meg helped me to remember to do it yesterday.

Park City was fun. We played games, hot tubbed, and watched Jumanji.

New Years

It's hard to believe that the new year has come so quickly. I've now been home from my mission for nearly 10 months and so much has happened. It's strange to think that a year ago I was in Louisiana doing missionary work all day every day. It almost feels like a dream or like it never really happened. Yet at the same time it feels like just yesterday that I was there. I am so grateful for my experiences on my mission that have provided some serious support and comfort during the past few months. I'm sure I will continue to see the many ways my mission has blessed me.
New Years is classically a time to set goals and figure out what you want to accomplish in the upcoming year. This year however, I really haven't set a lot of goals. Partly because I didn't really think to much about it and partly because I'm tired of setting goals and either forgetting about them or failing to achieve them. This year I want to set smaller goals and just go from there. For one thing, I'm really working on being better about my daily scripture study. Late last night Meg and I were talking, as happens quite often, and I brought up how I'm not the best at scripture study. (just as a side not, I find it so helpful to talk to people about things. It just provides a way to think out loud and get some outside input.) During this conversation I remembered something someone had said during church last week that really stuck with me. I tend to get overwhelmed by how not good I feel a studying and I let this keep me from doing anything at all. I need to simply remember that just reading from the scriptures is just fine and for now, if that's all I can do, that's good enough. Following is a link to an amazing Mormon Message dealing with New Years.
 - Look not behind thee -

For New Years I sort of threw a black-light party that was not the most exciting thing in the world. I just didn't advertise it really at all which is part of the problem. I was thinking that I would be super happy with a smaller group of people on New Years but I was wrong. The good thing is that I now know that for New Years I want to be with lots of people. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy myself because I did.

Life is just so amazing. I'm in awe at how much the Lord has blessed me.

Post Christmas Reflection

So I was thinking about a lot of things last night as I was going to sleep. One thought/idea that kept coming back was that I wanted to write a little more about Christmas so that's what I'm going to do.

Megan and I have spent some time talking about what makes Christmas Christmas and what the best part of it is. We both agreed that one of the best parts of Christmas is giving gifts. I think it's so amazing how that has changed over the years. I remember so well the pure excitement leading up to Christmas morning and opening all my presents. Gradually I started to enjoy watching people open the gifts I'd given them more than opening my own. That's not to say that I don't enjoy being on the receiving end, it's just that there's a different feeling in giving a gift than in receiving. 
I've been working on Meg's present for a while. Over the course of our relationship we've taken a few pictures and a large number of them have been on my camera. There have been a few of them that I've kept for myself for the express purpose of giving them to Meg as gift. So that's just what I did. I know she loves to scrapbook so I made a bunch of 4x6 prints and put them in a little photo album. I also made an 11x14 print of my favorite picture of us and framed it. So on Christmas Eve we sat down by the fire in my front room to exchange gifts. We both had two part gifts so we took turns. I opened one first and found a scarf/hat combo and a pair of sunglasses. It made me smile because I'm always borrowing Meg's sunglasses when we're driving because I misplaced mine a few months back. I've also wanted a scarf for a while. She opened the photo album first. Next I opened her second gift. The first thing that was really neat was that she made the box for this gift via origami out of wrapping paper. Inside was a deck of cards. At first I was a little confused but after a little direction from Meg I turned the box over to see what was written. "52 things I love about you." I was slightly shocked, it a very good way. This was hands down my favorite gift of the season. It just reinforced my already powerful love for her. She opened her framed 11x14 and judging from her response I think she liked it. It was such an amazing evening.

Once all is said and done however, the most amazing gift we have all received is that of our Savior Jesus Christ. Only through Him can we be forgiven of our mistakes. Only through Him can we hope to live with our families and loved ones forever. Only through Him can we receive the ultimate gift of Eternal Life. Because of what He went through and suffered He is ready, willing and able to run to our aid durning the trials of this life.

Finals and Christmas

Well finals have come and gone as have a few other large events. I feel bad about not writing in so long. I wish I could go back and write about everything but I feel that if I were to try it would end up being a very boring post filled with lists of things I've done.

Yesterday was Christmas and what a Christmas it was. I realized that it had been three years since my last Christmas at home. That's a long time but it really didn't feel that long. In the past on Christmas morning I would usually wake up fairly early and because of this I would do a lot of sitting around waiting for the rest of the family to get there so we could have our Christmas brunch and then head into the front room to open presents. However, this year was different. Anne and I opened presents in the morning, then went to church (which was great) and then the family came in for dinner and more opening.

I spent most of Christmas Eve with Meg and her family up at her grandparent's house. It was so much fun. I find it so interesting how we're on such different ends of the spectrum. I'm the very youngest in my family and Meg is the oldest, or there abouts. It was fun to see another set of family traditions. Meg and I learned a piano duet which we were able to play at her family party and then again at my house. It was a very fun weekend.

Sorry this is such a short and somewhat boring post but I really felt the need to get something new up. For some reason I felt like I couldn't start writing again until I'd caught up and the longer it went the less I wanted to do it. So here it is and I'm just going to call it good.

"Sam, you can do better."

Okay, so this is a post I wrote yesterday (Monday the 5th) and I'm just now getting around to posting it. Enjoy!

Yesterday was such an amazing day filled with my favorite person in the world. My Sunday morning meetings weren't too bad and then it was choir practice. We were supposed to be practicing in the young womens room but some committee from the 1st Ward was using it for a board meeting. We ended up having to meet in a tiny room above the bishops office with a tiny little keyboard. I'm not quite sure what's going to happen with this Christmas program. In Priesthood Cody Lundgreen gave the lesson. He shared a personal experience he'd had while back and it really touched me. He said that he was praying and felt like there was a wall between him and the Lord. As he knelt there pondering why this was happening he had a distinct impression come. "Cody, you can do better." I wonder if that's what I've been feeling these past few weeks/months. "Sam, you can do better." I know that I can. Especially with my gospel study. I love Sunday School and Sacrament because I get to sit with Meg.

After church Meg and I headed up to her home in Syracuse. I was a little nervous because being around her dad stresses me out a little. I feel like I need to prove myself to him and I feel like I'm failing. It scares me because I'm in love with his daughter and I want his approval to be dating her. I feel that I get along with the rest of her family really well even if we do have pretty different interests. One great thing from last night was I being able to listen to Meg and her sisters practice a song they're going to be singing. They all have amazing voices and I was sad that I wasn't going to be able to hear them sing this. I felt kinda bad because I think Adrianna was a little self conscious with me sitting there listening to them especially when they broke it down and had each of them practice their own parts one at a time.

I have a migraine today which is really messing with my emotions and memories. It's really interesting that I have one because I just finished writing a paper for biology about migraine headaches. I think that last night I had a dream about something going horribly wrong between me and Meg and the emotions from that dream and bleeding over.

I'm really stressed about finals. I had my first dream about failing my finals last night and it's got me really worried. I feel like such a bad student because I haven't been studying up to this point and I really need to start. Mostly I'm worried about Math and Biology. In a few minutes I'm going be headed into Biology to start the review days. I missed a good chunk of math this morning because of my migraine and over sleeping. One week from tomorrow I will be done with finals and winter break will have started. Oh what a much needed break that will be.